Monthly Archives: August 2014

When I first lied about my MS

I am generally a pretty honest guy.  Life is complicated enough as is.  Having to keep track of different falsehoods that were said to different people just isn’t worth it.  Things are a lot simpler to organize if they are consistent; which means telling the truth.

That having been said, I am in a position where I feel that I just don’t have much choice sometimes.  My MS is a secret known only by my closest family.  I am very confident that when I come out of the closet about my MS, that my earning potential will be negatively impacted.  If it isn’t necessary yet, that’s not fair to my family.

My first cover up occurred about a year ago.  I was walking with a colleague and stumbled slightly stepping off of a curb.  He asked if I was alright.  I blamed it on my new glasses.  There is a small element of truth to this.  It was the first time that I wore progressive lenses and I wasn’t accustomed to the ground being out of focus yet.  Coincidently, he had also just switched to progressives and was struggling with getting used to them.

My second time just occurred and was a bit more of a blatant lie.  I was scheduled to play in a golf tournament with work colleagues.  This presented a few issues:

  • I hadn’t played in almost a year and had not gotten out to the driving range like I had planned.  This was a tournament, which meant that I would be dragging down the whole team.
  • It would be four hours of them closely observing me walking across open spaces.  That’s more of a chance that someone would notice that something didn’t look right.
  • It was almost 100 degrees out and we would be playing in the sun in the heat of the day.  Overheating can often contribute to flareups of symptoms with MS and should generally be avoided.

So I lied.

I claimed to have hurt my back.  It’s pretty common with out of shape guys my age and fit the situation well in that it would make golf very difficult but not prevent me from doing much else.  I went to the tournament and joined everyone for drinks and dinner, but did not golf.

It was a little frustrating to watch the guys playing from the clubhouse window and wanting so badly to be out there.  However, I am convinced that not playing in the heat was the smarter move for my health.

I also felt bad about lying to colleagues and friends, but I am still convinced it was the right thing to do for my family and career.  Sometimes we have to do what is needed to survive.

Hopefully I will not have to lie about my condition too many times.  The lesson learned is to plan better and not get myself in circumstances that force me to make these decisions.  In hindsight, signing up for a golf tournament in the heat of August with work colleagues should have been recognizable in advance as a dumb idea.

I’m back! An update

It has been more than four months since I last posted.  I haven’t been missing in action because of anything bad happening.  Rather, it has just been very busy around here lately.  My business has had me traveling quite a bit.  My wife’s business has picked up considerably.  The kids seem to be involved in more activities at any given time than I think even existed when I was a kid.  All of these are positives and things to be thankful for.

There is not much new to report on my MS.  That’s a good thing.  My left leg has gotten a little bit worse in terms of being a little weaker and less coordinated.  I’ve also noticed that my sense of touch in my left foot has deteriorated a little.  But all in all, it’s been business as usual.  Luckily, I have not developed any new symptoms.

My walking is such now that anyone looking for it could probably notice that I wobble a little.  However, it is slight enough that I doubt that anyone from work would be able to notice that something wasn’t right.  I can still mask it if I concentrate.

The Tecfidera has been great.  I really hope that it is working because it is so easy to take.  No needles; just pop a pill twice a day.  I was lucky and never had a single side effect from it.

My blog still gets a lot of visitors, despite no posts in months.  Unfortunately the spam bots have found it and I had to clean out several hundred comments waiting for approval.  All were spam.

I will be looking to start posting more regularly again and thank you to those visitors that have been coming back despite the lack of new content.